Listless Blogging: A Top Ten

1. I like lists.
2. I always have.
3. I think they provide a sort of finite, tactile quality to an otherwise boundless, immeasurable world.
4. I like to take a list and conquer it, whether it is a daily "To Do" list, AFI's Top 100 movies of all time, or the Newbery Medal winners.
5. I am 7/73rds of the way through that last list.
6. I rarely finish my lists.
7. Or even get close.

i give up

Because every blog ought to have hastily-written haikus. And because giving up is a cause that I can really get behind.

i give up

three words of relief
to a faceless tormentor
spare me from myself

feel the apathy
and wrap it tight around you
safe from caring's winter

give up all feeling
stoics, buddhists, and jedi
know how to live well

The Sea of Humanity

This one's an original, penned (penciled actually) this very evening. I'm not completely satisfied yet, but well enough to post it. Any suggestions for a title?

Untitled

Although waves of despair,
Like mountains break,
And nearly drown my faith;

To His tender care,
My fears I take,
And trust He'll keep me safe.

And while the great deep,
Holds devils still,
Which seek to sink me in sin;

I know God will keep,
Me safe until,
I return to the heavens again.

And though through the depths,
Of darkness I pass,
Where often I feel all alone;

The Lord's Spirit has kept,
My heart of glass,
Shining like light from a stone.

Let life's fierce winds blow,
And trial's tempests din,
As long as this vessel shall stand.

For this do I know,
That these very same winds,
Carry me to the promised land.

--Ether 6:8-10

On New Year's Day

New Year's is a hard holiday for me to accept. It's not because I prefer Chinese New Year's (January 29th marks the beginning of Chinese Year 4704, the Year of the Dog, or in other words, ldssingles.com) or even the French Revolution New Year's (celebrated on September 22nd, the day when Robespierre restarted the entire French calendar). It's not because I don't get hysterical about a glowing ball slowly descending a pole atop a skyscraper, which is clearly a relevant way to celebrate a new year. And it's certainly not because I think the words to "Auld Lang Syne" are really Nazi propaganda (which I do).

It is simply a matter of timing (man, how I hate those words).

Here in the good ol' U.S. of A., we have decreed that midnight officially marks the transition from one day to the next. Thus, when the clock strikes 12:00 am, (00:00 in crazy places such as the military or European countries) a new day has begun.

Jews and college students around the globe, on the other hand, officially begin their day when the sun goes down, which coincidentally, is when: #1) we'll be groovin' and #2) everything gets hotter.

For me, though, these artificial designations are counter-intuitive. My day lasts from the time I wake up until the time I fall asleep, regardless of how many hours that period of time may entail. (I realize that for some people, without mentioning any names, this would mean that they would have about 20 "days" in a 24-hour period. Stefanie.) For example, in my world it is still Sunday, January 1st. (Looking at my watch, Monday, January 2nd, will not begin until approximately 14:00 tomorrow.)

This way of telling time just makes more sense to me. It also helps me justify staying up so late. If only I could convince Krispy Kreme to stay open this late. Oh wait...

The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not obtained by sudden flight,
But they, while their companions slept
Were toiling upward in the night.
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Resolution Revolution

I was going to come up with some new year's resolutions, but this just seemed easier.

RANDOM RESOLUTION GENERATOR

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Invade a small country. Get your resolution here

Dog Food For Thought

Here are two simple rules that should always be followed:

• People should not be treated like dogs.
• Dogs should not be treated like people.

First off, it drives me crazy to see people treated like animals, even in a kindly way. It is so demeaning. Never talk to a person the same way you would talk to your dog, either in the sick baby-talk way or the command form. Don't say the words "Good boy" or "Here girl" to a human being. Do not ever pat someone on the head.

Secondly, do not treat your dog like a person. My friend is dog-sitting for her boss this weekend, which to me should mean making sure that it hasn't run away and that it gets some food every now and then. Not in this case. Apparently, this dog can't bear to be alone for more than four or five hours at a time, so my friend has to stop by 4-5 times a day. As she explained to me, "The family is really wealthy, so the daughter is spoiled and the dog even more so." Money or not, a dog that high-maintenance deserves a rolled-up newspaper to the side of its carefully manicured head.

My friend received further instructions to put a sweater on the dog if it was cold outside (I have long held the opinion that people who dress their dogs are on the far side of crazy) and that if the mutt gets lonely during the night then it has permission to sleep on the bed where my friend was sleeping. There are certain principles that should never be crossed, and babying a dog like that is one of them.

From the Dissing Your Dog Infomercial on SNL: "Oh sorry, Snoopy. I know you wanted prime rib...Let's just go with the Alpo. I know it's not your first choice, but keep in mind, you're a f***ing dog."