16 May 2012

King of the Wild Frontier

Just a quick post today, as the San Antonio Spurs game kept me out well past my blogtime.

You know those "Most Interesting Man in the World" commercials?  I think they're based off of Davy Crockett--the frontiersman-turned-fashionisto-turned-soldier-turned-politician-turned-settler-turned-martyr.  I was at the Alamo today, where varying legends have Crockett 1) playing the fiddle for the troops, 2) bravely being executed or 3) his body being found amid the corpses of fifteen enemies.  The best braggart before Ali, Crockett is reported to have said: "I'm that same David Crockett, fresh from the backwoods, half-horse, half-alligator, a little touched with the snapping turtle; can wade the Mississippi, leap the Ohio, ride upon a streak of lightning, and slip without a scratch down a honey locust [tree]."

And C-SPAN would have loved him.  Here's a reported quote from the floor of Congress:
"Mr. Speaker. Who-Who-Whoop — Bow-Wow-Wow-Yough. I say, Mr. Speaker; I ve had a speech in soak this six months, and it has swelled me like a drowned horse; if I don’t deliver it I shall burst and smash the windows. The gentleman from Massachusetts [Mr. Everett] talks of summing up the merits of the question, but I’ll sum up my own. In one word I’m a screamer, and have got the roughest racking horse, the prettiest sister, the surest rifle and the ugliest dog in the district. I’m a leetle the savagest crittur you ever did see. My father can whip any man in Kentucky, and I can lick my father. I can outspeak any man on this floor, and give him two hours start. I can run faster, dive deeper, stay longer under, and come out drier, than any chap this side the big Swamp. I can outlook a panther and outstare a flash of lightning, tote a steamboat on my back and play at rough and tumble with a lion, and an occasional kick from a zebra.

"Congress allows lemonade to the members and has it charged under the head of stationery-I move also that whiskey be allowed under the item of fuel. For bitters I can suck away at a noggin of aquafortis, sweetened with brimstone, stirred with a lightning rod, and skimmed with a hurricane. I’ve soaked my head and shoulders in Salt River, so much that I’m always corned. I can walk like an ox, run like a fox, swim like an eel, yell like an Indian, fight like a devil, spout like an earthquake, make love like a mad bull, and swallow a Mexican whole without choking if you butter his head and pin his ears back."     
Of course, when he lost his next Congressional race, Crockett said: "Ya'll can go to hell...I'm going to Texas." 

And he killed a bar when he was only three.  Stay thirsty, my friends.

No comments: