Today I went to the Schlitterbahn, which despite sounding like a Vodka label or a nasty epithet, is actually the world's largest waterpark. It is also home to the world's longest waterpark ride and the ten-time champion of the world's best uphill watercoaster. Amazing! I felt like I should start congratulating everyone there, a la Buddy the Elf reacting to the "World's Best Cup of Coffee" sign: "You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here."
Texas may just have the world's most world's best achievements. In my immediate vicinity there are the World's Largest Fire Hydrant, World's Largest Concrete Tamale Statue, and World's Largest Urban Bat Colony, and of course, World's Largest Longhorn. And that's just those things which have been recognized. If you're into up-and-coming sites (Joke: Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he ate his food before it got cool.), I can't recommend Roadside America highly enough. It informs me that among other sites I will drive past today (and I quote): Bank Robbed by Santa Claus, Dancing Frogs Near Willie Nelson-Branded Biodiesel Truck Stop, 38-foot tall Robot Gumby, Pancho Villa's Trigger Finger, the self-explanatory Big Jackalope on a Roof, and the intriguing Errant Block of Granite.
I love roadtrips.