23 October 2010

I hate the mall, but not THIS much...

So I arrived back in my hometown yesterday, and was immediately informed that some nut job had burned down the local mall.

Some background:  I live in what must be the consumer capitol of the world; a sort of mecca for anyone shopping for anything.  You name any national chain of stores, and I guarantee that there is one within ten minute's drive.  It is kind of sad, really; I used to live in a small-ish suburb, but now there is a giant string of a retail centers bulging out like a commercial cancer.  You can just smell the capitalism (good) and materialism (bad) in the air.

Or maybe that's the smoke.  You see, some idiot decided he was going burn down the biggest mall in the area (after semi-successfully setting a local Wal-Mart ablaze the night before).  Walking into GameStop, he claimed to be armed with both a handgun and a bomb.  Everyone evacuated, and he promptly set fire to the whole place.  Nobody hurt, but plenty of damage done ($6.5MM at latest estimate).

All of this begs the question:  If you had to set fire to a mall, where would you start?  I decided I would start in Build-a-Bear, for psychological effects.  My friend Phil brilliantly argues in favor of Yankee Candle Co. or Mrs. Field's Cookies, because how good would that smell?!!

Any prospective arsonists want to chime in on this one?


*star said...

I'll give Phil the candle store...but there is something distressing about the smell of that many burnt cookies.

You forgot to tell whether or not the caught the guy!

Kalen's Mommy said...

Yes Star, the local police and fire departments heroically apprehended the suspect at the scene, evacuated the mall, and extinguished the blaze with no serious injuries or loss of life. The worst demonstration of (bad) materialism in this story is not that the "nutjob" started the fire, but that there was a general outcry from the citizenry, who criticized the fire department and law enforcement for NOT risking their lives to enter the blazing mall and rescue unpurchased, well-insured STUFF!