27 December 2005

Two Turtledoves

I was going to write about something else tonight, but I got sidetracked by this thought: Is a turtledove a real animal, or is it like a liger?

Okay, I know that there is supposedly a liger in the Bean Museum of Science and Other Bunk, but since I have never seen it, it must not exist. (What, I'm supposed to walk all the way up by DT for something other than a "Bell Tower Moment"? Yeah right!) The state of Oklahoma and the "theory of relativity" also fall in this category. I haven't seen them ergo they are not real.

Whenever I try to imagine what a turtledove looks like, three mental images lodge in my head:
  • The mockturtle from "Through the Looking Glass" AKA "Alice in Wonderland Part Deux" AKA "A Crappy Book Written By A Pedophile On Opium." (Sorry Ronnie, I know you like it.)
  • The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles transforming after they discover the "secret of the ooze."
  • The Wuzzles, an 80's Disney cartoon where the main characters were two animals combined: Bumblelion, Rhinokey, Butterbear, Eleroo, etc.

So, back to my original question: Are turtledoves real? Are they some freakish genetic hybrid? Birds with a shell? Turtles with wings? (Like the flying Koopas of Mario Land!!) And why the heck would my true love present me with a pair of such mutants. It's not like they can even breed--everyone knows that interspecific hybrid animals cannot reproduce. Just ask the imaginary sterile stuffed liger in the L.L. Bean Museum, but only if you happen to be up by that area of campus (ITBT: In The Bell Tower).


Ronnie said...

Whatever, Russ, I know you go up to DT to go tunnel singing every Sunday night.
And could you explain to me what the Partridge family was doing up in that pear tree.

Anonymous said...

turteldue være til magisk elsker om øklåhómá

vox said...

you might know this by now, but I think turtledoves are just doves. I could be wrong... but I enjoyed the rant, it cracked me up. :D even the part about Alice in Wonderland, which book I love. Mainly because I like the sugar and cinnamon of life, like aaron