Lazy Sunday

Quite possibly the greatest hard-core rap about the Chronicles of Narnia ever.

Watch it here.

A Rare Glimpse Into My Brother's Psyche

Marshall came over today for the usual afternoon activites: darts, chess, Smash Brothers, and fighting. The first words out of his mouth were these:

"So, I was thinking on the way over... what if Bigfoot was actually a woman, and she/it mated with Dracula? Because I really don't think that the world's economy is ready for hairy vampires."

Uhhh... thanks Marsh. I really hadn't considered the implications.

A Tale of Two Tests

It was the best of tests. It was the worst of tests. I had two tests today, and they didn't exactly go as planned. For the first test, I prepared really hard, knew my stuff, and actually felt quite good going into it. Let's just say I got rocked. We're talking mid-to-low single digits rocked. And yes, those are percentages. If a race horse performed like I did on that test, it would be a one-way trip to the ol' glue factory. No kidding.

These are the worst type of failures--the ones you didn't see coming. You're just walking along, humming a little to yourself, and then WHAM!!! Flattened by the F-Train. I walked out of class in a semi-daze, still wondering what had gone so horribly, horribly wrong. (I didn't have to brood on it for too long though, because I had bowling class next. Sweet, sweet strikes, you make everything all better...)

Anyway, after getting Tanya Harding'ed on my first test, I wasn't all too eager to take another one. I had spent most of my time studying for the first one, which I had expected to nail, and very little on the second, which I expected to nail me. So as I trudged along to my History of Scandinavia final (once you're past the Vikings, Scandinavian history is about as entertaining as chinese water torture) I could distinctly hear the cry go out: "Dead man walking! Dead man walking!" To my exceeding astonishment, I knew almost everything on the second test. I still have no idea how that worked out, but I'm not complaining.

If unexpected failure is one of the worst sensations, then unanticipated success has to be one of the best.

Like any good story, there is a moral to this one- a bit of advice that I hope you all will take to heart: the less you study, the better you will do in school.

Can I get a witness?

This Evening's Near-Death Experience

So, I'm sitting in SmartCookie, munching on a day-old, semi-sweet chocolate chip cookie and listening to Roundy sweet-talk Jane, an attractive bowling alley attendant (it turns out that these two things are not mutually exclusive). He drops a particularly clever line on this girl, and I start laughing mid-bite. Consequently, I inhale my late-nite snack and promptly gridlock the oxygen highway from my lungs to my brain. Next thing I know, I wake up in a pool of partially-digested snickerdoodles to the words, "Someone call 9-1-1."

And people say you can't have fun without drinking.

It's Official

I hereby decree that I am a pansy. A sissy little school-girl trapped in this 24-year old body of a Greek god. I used to think I was tough-- a real hard-nosed, thick-skinned, bunofastich. Emotions would roll off me like water off a duck's back. Not anymore.

Somewhere along the line I went soft (except for the deific Grecian physique, of course). A few weeks ago I admitted to liking chick flicks. Well, tonight I upped the ante: I cried watching a movie.

Don't get me wrong-- this wasn't the "uncontrollable-like-I-just-lost-my-dog-convulsion-sobbing" or anything; but more like the "shade-my-eyes-with-my-elbow-so-my-brother-and-sister-in-law-can't-see-me-blink-back-tears" variety. So that's not so bad, right? Right? C'mon guys...

Who am I kidding?! I am ashamed. No matter that the movie was only the best western ever created. I don't know if I can look y'all in the eye after tonight.

Lonesome Dove cost me my dignity, or what little I had left by that point in the evening (I walked in on a couple's dinner party which included an ex-girl-friend and her soon-to-be-fiancee. Shortly thereafter, the conversation turned to my floundering love life. Ouch.)

So the next time you're wondering if your wallet can hack the eight bucks for a new release, remember that the price of admission for watching a movie at home can be a whole lot more.

Twelfth Night

Well, I almost made it. But tonight I just can't think of anything clever or unique or even vaguely interesting to say. But since I committed to twelve days, this male must go on. I conclude this holiday blogging binge with my favorite quote of all time, by James Esdras Faust:


In the Gethsemanes of life which we all have, and often in my present calling, I have gone to my knees with a humble spirit to the only place I could for help. I often went in agony of spirit, earnestly pleading with God to sustain me in the work I have come to appreciate more than life itself. I have, on occasion, felt a terrible aloneness of the wounds of the heart, of the sweet agony, the buffetings of Satan, and the encircling warm comfort of the Spirit of the Master.

I have also felt the crushing burden, the self-doubts of inadequacy and unworthiness, the fleeting feeling of being forsaken, then of being reinforced an hundredfold. I have climbed a spiritual Mount Sinai dozens of times, seeking to communicate and to receive instructions. It has been as though I have struggled up an almost real Mount of Transfiguration and, upon occasion, felt great strength and power in the presence of the Divine. A special, sacred feeling has been a sustaining influence and often a close companion.

As I serve in the calling of the holy apostleship, I recognize that I am a very ordinary man. Yet I gratefully acknowledge one special gift. I have a certain knowledge that Jesus of Nazareth is our Divine Savior. I know that He lives. I know that through the unspeakable agony of the Atonement, men and women, if they repent, can be forgiven of their sins. Because of the miracle of the Resurrection, all will rise from the dead. I feel His love and marvel at the price He paid for each of us. I wonder how many drops of blood were spilled for me. This is the testimony I give of Him, even in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.